When someone you love dies, you're prepared (at least a little) for the heartbreak, the silence, and the empty space they leave behind. What no one tells you about is the secondary loss. The loss of yourself.

I look the same on the outside. But I’m nothing like the woman I was before 2020.

That version of me, full of light, hope, energy, and confidence, left when John died.
And the truth is, I miss her.

Grieving More Than Just a Partner

Yes, I grieve John every second of every day. But alongside the ache of missing him is another kind of grief I never expected. I grieve me.

• I miss the mother I was.
• I miss the dreams I once had.
• I miss the excitement I had for a big, joyful life.
• I miss my confidence.
• I miss the friend, the partner, the woman I used to be.

The journey through grief and loss is so much more consuming than anyone could prepare you for. And the hardest part? There are no maps. No road signs. Just a quiet, often lonely process of rebuilding your identity after loss.

The Day Everything Changed

The day John died, something inside me did too. I’ve come to understand that the version of “me” I knew, the Renee I loved, isn’t coming back.

It’s devastating to realize. But it’s also true.

Now, I’m learning to meet myself again. I’m learning how to be this new version of me, how to live this new life, even if it wasn’t one I asked for.

You’re Not Alone in This

Wherever you are in your grief journey, please know this: if it feels like you've lost yourself too, you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re simply becoming.

Grief has a way of changing who you used to be. But it isn’t all bad. It just means you get the opportunity to rediscover who you are now.

You may not recognize yourself yet but what unfolds might surprise you.

Ready to Talk? I’m Here.

Grieving doesn’t have to be lonely. If you’re a widow or widower struggling with loss of self, identity, or direction, I offer 1:1 peer support calls in a safe, judgment-free space where you can talk to someone who truly gets it.

Book your call today and connect with a fellow widow who understands the heartbreak, the confusion, and the desire to know what comes next.

Because sometimes, the person you need most is someone who's been there too.